I woke up on Saturday morning around 10:45, checked my phone, and realized I was a couple hours late to a party in Baltimore. No, it was not a celebration of Ravens QB Joe Flacco’s 31st birthday, although I’m sure that party would be quite elite. Rather, the re-signing of slugging first baseman Chris Davis was the reason for elation in Baltimore.
While many of us (myself, admittedly, included…) are a bit distressed over the large sum of money ($161 million) we will be paying Davis over the next seven years, the fact of the matter is the Orioles needed a high-profile addition and they went out and got it.
At risk of sounding like a Buzzfeed writer, I want to share some reasons why I’m excited to have Chris Davis back in Baltimore, despite the large contract. Fifteen reasons, to be exact.
As Orioles fans, we have seen firsthand what Davis brings to the table. While the numbers themselves are staggering, there are plenty of other reasons why “The Big Fella,” as coined by Orioles radio play-by-play announcer Joe Angel, is an obvious fan-favorite in Birdland.
In no particular order…
– Opposite field dingers.
Like most big lefties, Davis is generally a pull hitter. That said, the man has some power to the opposite field. Here is one beautiful example:
– Broken bat dingers.
Not only does Chris Davis know how to send baseballs into orbit, he can also do it while slicing his bat in half. Don’t believe me? Just watch:
– Grand slam dingers.
Davis has six career grand slams to his name but none are more memorable to Orioles fans than this one, which came in the eighth inning of the O’s 2013 home opener and was Davis’ fourth home run in as many games to start the season:
– Walk-off dingers.
Coming through in clutch situations is not uncommon for The Big Fella. He has four career walk-off home runs, including this one which woke up a napping fan deep in the center field bleachers:
– Completely effortless dingers.
Davis hit this home run, also a walk-off, on a pitch that most players either whiff at or foul off. Switch-handed pitcher Pat Venditte fed Davis a 2-2 slider that broke away from the outside corner at Davis’ shoestrings. Davis flicked at the ball and sent it almost 400 feet:
– Really freaking long dingers.
You may have already picked up on this based on the previous points but Chris Davis has a little bit of pop. That pop was on display in this at bat in San Francisco, when Davis launched a Santiago Casilla pitch an estimated 448 feet:
– Steroid accusations.
It comes with the territory. After just about every Chris Davis homer, fans of the opposing team will spew “ROIDS!” faster than you can say “CRUSHED!” Those allegations have heightened since Davis’ 25-game suspension for Adderall during the 2014 season. While Adderall is not necessarily a steroid, it does help Davis fight his ADHD. The main source of power, however, probably comes from whatever he puts in this appetizing refreshment:
– Hulk strength.
In accordance with the theme of this post so far, let’s not forget that baseballs are not the only things upon which Davis enjoys unleashing his manliness. Those poor bats have been victims, too. After chasing a bad pitch for strike three, Davis snapped this bat like a twig:
Striking out, however, is not the only cause for frustration. Here, Davis responds to getting drilled in the back following an Orioles eighth inning offensive outburst. That Louisville Slugger never stood a chance:
– Whatever this is.
When he’s not mashing baseballs or snapping bats, Davis is a bit of a character, as displayed by these shots from the Orioles 2014 Spring Training photo day.
– Big hugs.
You can expect nothing less than the utmost affection from this teddy bear of a teammate. Davis loves the game but he loves his brothers even more. I’m sure Adam Jones is thrilled to have Davis as a teammate and it might even entice him to re-sign in 2018 when his contract expires.
– He can pitch if needed.
Who doesn’t love seeing a position player take the hill at the end of a long, tiresome game? On May 6, 2012, the Orioles gave the baseball world what it wanted by putting Davis on the mound in the 16th inning of a battle in Boston against the Red Sox. Not only did Davis pitch two scoreless innings, he also struck out Adrian Gonzalez and earned the victory after the Orioles took the lead on an Adam Jones three-run home run. Re-live the magic:
– The dude packs hammers.
Chewing tobacco is part of the game of baseball, no matter how gross it is. For Chris Davis, it is a HUGE part of the game. Davis is known for having a nice bulge in his lip when he steps up to the place. Nasty? Sure. Impressive? Absolutely. He hits bombs and he packs bombs.
– He can do a split.
My man region aches just looking at this.
– Awesome facial hair.
Chris Davis is the type of man who can push hair out of his face simply by grunting. He has been known to rock a Fu Manchu, a bushy beard in the offseason, and, of course, this glorious, 1980s, Ron Jeremy-esque lip sweater:
– Sexiness.
Let’s face it. Christopher Lyn Davis is a bit of a hunk. Okay, maybe more than “a bit.” If added to your team, Davis would increase female attendance exponentially. His wife, as most baseball wives are, is also rather easy on the eyes.
Chris and Jill are definitely relationship goals. Or something like that.
If you enjoy homers, good defense, and positive energy, Chris Davis is exactly the type of guy you want in your clubhouse. He displays true passion for the game while letting his goofy side show a bit, as well.
Fingers crossed that Davis’ contract looks better in seven years than Ryan Howard‘s does now.
Happy to have you back, Crush.
*Disclaimer: This article was originally written for and published on Baseball Essential and later edited by the same author for Eutaw Street Report.
