Baseball seer and Birds Fan, O’s-tradamus, put forth predictions for the Orioles, which were recently uncovered thanks to another sewage overflow in the city. Interpretations vary, but I’ll try to figure out what he means below…

On the slumping bats

O’ lineup, with the power to produce runs by the tonne,

By hurlers unheralded and downtrodden, seems so easily undone.

Opponents offerings dip, bend, and break,

And so very seldom but register on the radar gun.

Mighty hacks producing little but wind and a frustrated yell.

Fans left wondering what happened to their heroes,

who’d previously seem sent from Taco Bell.

On the Boston Red Sox

Led by the ageless one, whose powers seem only to grow,

Smiley destroyer of communication lines, still a worthy foe.

The baseballs will keep flying off bats and over the towering monster of green,

Our team’s esteemed rival, who doth hail from the town of Bean.

On the Birds Going Forward

But despair not, o ye in the land of Bird!

And heed this, which I present as a prescient word:

As the skies clear over Boog’s, the Warehouse, and more,

The heavy air will carry baseballs for Baltimore.

The one who was promised, he who will be known by his ears,

Will soar to MVP heights, and help erase all our fears.

The behemoth they call Crush will again swing a heavy, powerful lumber,

And will put to rest all doubts his newfound fortune induced him to slumber.

The road to travel will be difficult, marked by both highs and lows,

Yet good things are in store for the black and orange, the ones locals call “O’s.”