I was extremely excited and honored when Mr. Drunk Gary Thorne replied to my direct message. I don’t think it would be presumptuous to assume that each one of us has dreamed that THE Mr. Drunk Gary Thorne would one day acknowledge their existence. Well, my dreams came true and then some! This is what he had to say:
What’s your name and where are you from?
I’m Drunk Gary Thorne! The idea of me was conceived in Baltimore after Gary Thorne spent a whole inning discussing philosophy with Jim Palmer.
Tell us a little about yourself:
First things first, I love turtles! I am the best hockey announcer in baseball. Jim Palmer is both my best friend and my worst adversary. Karaoke night in the MASN booth is every night that I’m a part of the crew. The best way to describe me would be to combine the personalities of Gus Johnson, Gary Thorne, and Hawk Harrelson.
What would you say is the biggest difference between sober you and drunk you?
Drunk Gary Thorne is basically an extreme version of “normal” Gary Throne (because let’s be honest, Gary’s never sober). Basically, if real life Gary Thorne had an IV of alcohol connected to his body, the result would be Drunk Gary Thorne.
Do you spray tan or is that au natural?
All I’m going to say is this: My tan is as authentic as Jim Palmer’s grey-less hair.
What would you say is your golf handicap?
Depends on how drunk I am- the drunker I get, the lower my handicap is.
What was your favorite moment of the 2013 season?
Schoop’s first major league home run. NORFOLK STAND UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who’s got the better tan, you or Palmer?
Me. I don’t care what that uppity Hall of Fame underwear model says, I have the better tan.
Who would win in a bare-knuckle duel, Palmer or Bordick?
Usually Bordick would win because he puts people to sleep just by talking and then beats them up while they’re asleep, but I’m pretty sure Palmer is immune to Bordick’s voice at this point, so I think Palmer would win.
Who is your least favorite person in the Orioles organization?
Whoever hired Mike Bordick. I also dislike Tommy Hunter because he stole my shoe back in 2012. Just to be clear, I DEFINITELY did not pay that bird in Seattle to poop on Tommy Hunter’s hat to get revenge on him.
What is your favorite ballpark outside of Camden Yards?
Fenway Park. Very easy to smuggle liquor into! My least favorite is Toronto because I’m not allowed up there due to my hatred of Canadian bacon.
Which do you like more, announcing Oriole games or the PBA?
Announcing Oriole games, as long as Edwin ARN-CAH-NAY-SHEE-OON isn’t playing.
How many wins do you predict the Orioles will have next season?
Anything else you want to mention?
Don’t believe a word that Jim Palmer says about me.
How can people find you on the internet? (Twitter, facebook, email, etc??)
I do indeed have a twitter. You can read my twitterings at @DrunkGaryThrone. I don’t have a facebook yet. I might buy one soon. I don’t have an EN-STAR-GRAM account, nor do I have a PEN-TREST account.